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So Real, It’s Surreal

9 July, 2010 Friday // Art, Life

iconWhat is truly frightening to me sometimes is how fast my literal timeline is flitting by, yet how slow my personal clock is ticking. There is so much to accomplish, so much to realize, and so much that is hinged upon what I do this summer that the metaphysical stress of it all is strangely, putting me into regression. This is bad. What I need to do for myself is…go through everything, one by one. The daunting part of this is that I know I won’t be finished until next year. I have probably lost most of you here; I will explain in a second (maybe not). The single importance that this period of my life as a student has, has been pummeled into me so many times, I am stuck on repeat and getting nowhere. I am also extremely tired of comparing myself and comparing numbers, just numbers, only numbers, those damn numbers. There are thousands of others in the same boat as me, just holding their gait differently. And just like life always is, there are many who happen to be luckier than me, and many who are less luckier than me. I personally know people from both pools. Then there are people, who are luckier than me, but by their own personal choices, have brought themselves to lose some of that luck, only to realize it now, and in the spirit of sudden regrets pour forth a string of denials. I know one person who is so. All I can do is focus on myself, and I hope I can sincerely do so, with minimal mistakes.
All right, so in the span of a month, I’ve been to Disneyland, gone to the beach twice, started grueling SAT prep (for which I am leaving in an hour and a half), went up to Santa Barbara, and possess a shitload of photographs of fireworks, from two different occasions. Right. I’ve hyperventilated about renewing my domain (naeolia.net) and my hosting, which is supposed to expire today. Which brings me to note, today is July 9th, 2010. Last year, July 9, 2009, I bought this domain and set up Naeolia on its own platform. So happy domain anniversary. My host is going through some business issues, but the important thing is, for the time being of about a month, I’m hosted. I think you and I can both sense a S-H-I-T down the line. Deal with that as it comes. I was originally going to post some photography and an inkling of resources, but now I feel drained and slightly neurotic, so I’m going to leave you with the product of my last couple of days on Photoshop. Beautiful Tiiu Kuik in an experimental piece. Tell me what you think.

:sig:


26 Dreams

Hay womang, you owe me a comment!! :D haha but I can forgive you because of your cute shout out to meeee. :) :) I love the graphic btw. :)

You know with this blog of yours, you’ve written such detail yet…you were so vague. I’m still unsure as to what you’re really talking about although I have a slight clue. haha & you know I didn’t skim either.

Anyway so, I get that you’re feeling a bit..overwhelmed that you’re not somewhere you should be & you’re feeling like you’re falling short…right? Well there are people stuck on a cruiseliner with you, dear. You’ll figure it out & if you don’t, you have time. Follow your heart, that’s the key to happiness. :) Follow your brain, that’s the key to success. Follow both, & you’ll hit the jackpot. :)

Good luck with the SATs. That shiz is crap. It sucks that colleges accept you on a friggin basis of numbers on a test. -_- Whatever, good luck either way. :)

left by Tiff on 10 July, 2010 Saturday

Yesss Lindsay for the winnnn.

Natalie Portman is a very smart cookie although even though I mentioned both of them, I tried my best to make it more about choices & what not instead of the celebrity world. They’re just two famous girls that people will know whom I’m talking about.

Our generation is going down the shitter. Seriously. & Twitter is not helping. WTF @ Twitter wars & why the eff are they even relevant to people? What is wrong with society? I feel that if society took on a physical, tangible shape or form, I’d slap it upside the cranium & tell them that they need to cut this shit out or I’ll karate chop their femur.

HAHA I totally laughed when you said you question Lindsay’s mom. I do too..she’s surrounded by a bunch of stupid people that don’t care about her & just want a piece of her fame. It’s a bit harsh for her. Not nearly as bad as someone in Africa, but whatever. Each person has their problems.

left by Tiff on 10 July, 2010 Saturday

BTW Pomona College..not Cal Poly, right? I mean if it’s a state college, do you even have to take the SATs? I thought they were as easy to get into as Cal states?

Don’t stress yourself out. If you don’t get into your dream college, you have the option of going to a CC which will save your parents money. :) It’s not bad either & people need to shut their traps about how stupid people go to CCs. So what? Barack Obama went to a CC & then graduated from Harvard Law. & he’s our president now. Sure it doesn’t really mean anything if you’re a president especially if you have George Bush’s IQ, but the man graduated from Harvard Law…George Bush got into Yale on the basis of his family’s history. Sigh.

Anyway, don’t stress yourself out. You’re still really young & as long as you have goals & ambitions, you’ll get there..wherever it is you want to go.

left by Tiff on 10 July, 2010 Saturday

Hey Nicole! :) The graphic you made is gorgeous! You are extremely talented. I’m beyond jealous.

Every blog of yours that I have read is very…abstract
I think I get what you are trying to say although it could have a different meaning to every reader.

I re-read it and this is my comment on my interpretation :)

It seems like your clocks are basically just time. How fast or slow life is moving. Literally, everything is going by so fast. Personally, nothing is really happening.

I suppose this is how I feel about my social life and that may seem shallow but it’s not. My personal clock just isn’t ticking. I can’t seem to make better friends or anything. I tell myself that summer is ticking away and by the time school starts up, I will not have made friends. I feel like I’m also on repeat. Tumbling through the same friendships, getting hurt, closing my heart and then starting over the whole process. It’s just the feeling that I’m not getting anywhere.

If that comment seemed to have nothing to do with your blog, I’m sorry. Again, that was just my interpretation :grin:

I don’t have much of a life away from my computer…. It’s kind of easy to blog every day. I try and blog around the same time everyday too. I usually start writing at 11pm and end around 11:45. It’s such a weird routine…

I decided to get PSP because it is cheaper than PS :) I started graphic designing a few years ago with PSP7 then started again this summer with PSP X3. It’s cheaper and it’s what I’m used to. I would love PS but there is no way I could afford it.

left by Abbie on 11 July, 2010 Sunday

Hey, you know, you might try going through my host, http://nolimitshost.info… it’s free, gives you 1000mb of space (hopefully you host your photos on a photobucket-like website…but who knows, it might be doable still)

Also… congrats on the domain-anniversary. For the three domains I have, I think I’ll just let them run out or whatever. Because the names are retarded, and I don’t like .info addresses anymore. They’re… uh…I don’t know. Not as aesthetically pleasing, perhaps. (Side-note: can’t believe I spelled that right on the first try! :yes: )

I think we all go through a time where our personal life and our mental state are at odds. I think it’s ok, though. It’s just one way to deal w/ growing up. ^^

I absolutely adore the artwork you did! It’s magnificent!

left by Jen on 11 July, 2010 Sunday

I have no idea what the first half of your post was about… Well, I understood the references to school and the pressure you’re under. All I can say to that is just breathe. :P I know how stressful it is, but as long as you stay calm it goes by better.

I really hope there isn’t a huge issue with your hosting in a month. You obviously don’t need that hassle on top of your other stress.

The graphic you posted is really good. I like the colors and the good use of textures.

How cuuute, your signature is in a LOTR font. /nerd

left by Sabrina on 11 July, 2010 Sunday

Good luck on SATs! I took it twice…thank goodness there were no more analogies!! Either way we all have to take this horrific exams throughout our life time. I wasn’t the best student in high school, but I’m doing considerably WAY better in college which is good because I’m counting on my GPA to get me into medical school and MCATs. but yeah, do your best! And try not to think about what score you want. If you study hard and work hard you’ll get the score you deserve. And you are young, you have a lot of time. It might seem slim now, but breathe and look it from the outside not from one side :)

I don’t know what you were talking about you paying homage to my wacky style, instead I should be paying homage to that epicness of a graphic i have ever seen. it’s seriously killer!! great job!! I LOVES

left by lucy on 12 July, 2010 Monday

I remember being there… college applications, standardized tests… it’s all so horribly stressful.

I worry I’m about to leave you a short, shitty little comment. This blog of yours made me cry, bad girl. =/ Thinking about how I didn’t get into my dream school. Could I have tried harder? Was there something I did wrong? Maybe if I hadn’t gotten those A-minuses…

I honestly don’t know what else I could have done, but fuck, I’m crying as I type this. Please don’t feel bad. *hugs* It’s true that I’m happy about where I’m going, but it’s also true that where I’m going was my FOURTH choice. Maybe I was too ambitious. I tell myself that everything will work out for the best, and that this is how it’s “meant to be.”

I don’t think of myself one of those lucky people you mentioned who brought themselves to lose some of their luck. I think I’m just a girl whose best wasn’t good enough, and that knowledge is really quite devastating. I know it’s not true that I’m not “good enough”, and that really the admissions people just didn’t think I would fit in well at the school, BUT STILL. Ugh. I’m sorry. I’ll stop being so negative… and I’ll stop talking about myself.

Good luck with your SAT and all that. I haaaated taking the SAT. Sitting in that room for so long… TORTURE. I hope for your sake that you score well the first time so you won’t have to retake it. D:

Are you a junior?

I’m jealous that you’ve been to Disneyland this summer! …Although I’d rather go to Disney World; I heard it’s better. ;) (I’ve only ever been to Disney World, not Disneyland).

Happy domain birthday to you (or to Naeolia!). :3

Agh, who is your host? It does sound like some shit is about to go down. =/ I hope everything works out, even if it means you have to change hosts.

That piece looks amazing! Really, really beautiful. :)

left by Rachel on 12 July, 2010 Monday

OOh, that’s such an awesome graphic! I can’t tell quite what it’s supposed to be (banner, layout, etc) but I lOVE the effects used on it. I always try to make thinsg like that, but I always fail. Great work!

Thanks :D I think it’s the bright pink the brings the positivity, haha.

Yeah, totally agree about shaving. But I think a wax would be soooo painful >.< Oh well, it's on the list. now I have to do it ;) haha

I hope I will stick to it :) I’ll try my best, though I may need some reminders ;)

left by Meredith on 14 July, 2010 Wednesday

I feel as if you went into my mind for the first part of your blog (if I interpreted it correctly, that is). I have so many things to do this summer, and even when I do have time on my hands, I never feel like it’s enough. I know I’m not going to accomplish everything I need to this summer, and it’s stressing me out. Instead of enjoying my summer, I’m in this strange depression that really has no decent cause behind it. :/ Is that what you’re talking about?

Sometimes I wonder if I should be taking ACT prep classes. Do your SAT prep classes really help? So far I’ve performed fairly well on the practice tests they’ve administered through my school. I personally feel like general studying of math problems and grammar will be enough, but I’m horrifed of going in unprepared. I already know I’m not going to get accepted at an Ivy League college unless the admissions people can see past a few high school flubs of mine and grasp the fact that I really am intelligent. I fear not being accepted to the colleges that are somewhere in between the mediocre and the grand. I really don’t want to go to one of my state’s schools.

Your site is beautiful, by the way. I’ve visited before and always intended to comment on it, but I’ve been intimidated by your sophisticated language. >.

left by Gabi on 14 July, 2010 Wednesday

NICOLEE

left by HoneyMunchkin (Becca) on 14 July, 2010 Wednesday

Water parks are the absolute best. Roller-coasters though.. LOL I haven’t ever been on the big ones where you get the butt-flying feeling yet. I’ve only been on two roller-coasters in my life and each time I was surrounded by seven year-olds. AHHH. Those big roller-coasters look really scary. We have one of the biggest roller-coasters in the American Northwest here and it’s complete will loops and water and all that jazz. I get freaked out just looking at other people ride on it.

ERRGHH. I hate having so much to do. I’m one of those people that get stressed pretty easily but does almost nothing about it. Hopefully all those things you have to do clear up soon! It does feel so much better to have all that weight lifted off of your shoulders. :D

Life is so full of so many things you can never accomplish them all and it can be very overwhelming. I feel terrible when I’m not putting all or enough of my effort into whatever I’m doing, which usually has to do with school. One more year left for you and you’ll be done! :D

Your month sounds pretty exhausting. SAT work, Disneyland, beaches, and photography. That’s quite a lot. Oh, and Naeolia’s first birthday. Happy domain anniversary! :D

That piece is absolutely amazing. I love the fragmenting (I almost said grafmenting) and the textures.

left by Jenny on 15 July, 2010 Thursday

hahaha I think you’ll really like the video just because it’s me reading off my blog & acting it out. :D

Thanks for your adorable comment dear! :) I loved reading it. You never really know what kind of girl you are until you’re put in a relationship & then you’re confronted with either unwanted feelings, wanted feelings, and/or new feelings that you don’t know what to do with them. Even though you don’t think you’re the jealous type & you all of a sudden get jealous that your boy is talking to some young ho, you get this weird feeling in your chest & you wonder, “WTF IS GOING ON WITH MY BODY? WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY?”

:) But that was just an example, I used to be really mellow with stuff too. Now, because I feel that Johnathan & I have a future together, I expect more because I’m going to spend the rest of my life with him & it’s hard to deal with knowing you won’t get those fantasies you’ve always dreamt about..but that’s okay. Little does he know, they’re all with you ;)

I wouldn’t have pegged you to be an emotional wreck like me. Just kidding, I’m just super emotional though & it’s irritating. :/ haha, but yeah Kevin Le..had no idea he was so romantic! Very sweet though, right? :D I can’t believe you read it! I’m glad you liked it though haha.

left by Tiff on 16 July, 2010 Friday

Education—and the pursuit of higher education—is terribly stressful. It seems like the future depends on numbers, like you said. Honestly, the whole idea that admissions officers and the like try to measure up a humans’ potential based on numbers from ONE test, or the numbers from a few years of work which are derived from just a few exams, is kind of twisted. And if these numbers don’t accurately represent who you are because of one bad day or one mistake, it fucking sucks.

I’m glad I’m past the undergraduate admissions process, and I’m glad my first choice wasn’t an ungodly competitive school. (I visited one Ivy League school, and out of my list, it would’ve been my fourth choice anyway.) My advice to you (whether you want it or not) is not to worry about prestige when choosing a school—look at schools that fit what you want to do and what you want from a place you’ll spend four years at.

Anyway, BEST OF LUCK with everything, and ultimately, things will turn out okay. I’m sure you’ll do well on the SAT since you’re taking classes and all, and remember that you DO get second chances if you need it. I’m not sure what year you’re in high school, but when it comes time to choose where you’re going next, try to let go of regrets. If one school doesn’t want you, maybe it just wouldn’t have been right after all.

left by Erin on 17 July, 2010 Saturday

Hi hun, I can relate to all the feelings that you are describing, so I can totally understand your frustration. I do am sure that everything will be fine in the end. Just try to relax and breath every once in a while. And give yourself some time off to relax and enjoy the good moments in life *(the ones without any numbers, lol). Sometimes you just have to let go of all the ‘I’m supposed to do this and this and that’ and just enjoy what comes to you at that moment :) You’ll be surprised how much you can accomplish when you’re not in a state of stress and overwhelming feelings :)
HUGS!

left by Lotte on 21 July, 2010 Wednesday

I think I understand what you’re going through as I’m basically in exactly the same position. Sometimes I feel that I need to list everything I need to do otherwise there is this nagging feeling in the back of my head telling me something is missing. Stress is the worst, and I know its just going to get worse :/

For you, I say just pick a sunny day and find a park or your garden and just relax with a good book and forget about everything. This is what I will probably end up going when I am up to my ears in coursework so maybe it will help you? I don’t know, but it might help just to escape from reality for a couple of hours :)

left by Lucy on 21 July, 2010 Wednesday

Haha.. Yeah it is a lot!!! I’m 19 now ;)
Well to be honest.. I’m a bit bored with the summer x) all my friends are either busy or on holiday in some other country.. And I’m stuck at home xD

left by Helene on 24 July, 2010 Saturday

It’s kinda strange that while I don’t exactly know what you are talking about, I can relate to it. I’m 25 and unemployed and not exactly where I thought I would be at this age. There’s stress being shot at me from all directions, which makes me wanna hide under the covers until it goes away. And I keep comparing myself to others, which makes it all worse. But you’re right, you have to focus on yourself, not on others, and take one step at a time. Good luck with everything, hun! x

ps. beautiful art!

left by Gwen on 28 July, 2010 Wednesday

I’ve learned through experience when you’re dwelling on something and you check and recheck yourself on something it often causes even more anxiety than just going with it. I know for me I doubt myself and am always second guessing, but I’m learning that, that is what puts me down, that’s what depresses me and makes me feel shitty and since I’ve come to terms with that recently I’m starting to feel better about life in general.

Just take things one by one and try not to stress so much, easier said than done, I know. I’m 24-years-old and I always feel like time is passing way too fast. There are so many things I want to accomplish before 30, but I’m afraid I won’t make it. At the end of the day though if I don’t accomplish everything I want before 30 I can continue and try to accomplish in my 30s. Life will keep on going even if you don’t meet your personal deadline and you can always give yourself an extension.

left by Ashley on 5 August, 2010 Thursday

The letter on skeletons was related to a whole different part of this relationship. I was stalking, and found somethings I’m sure he wouldn’t want me to see.

It is hard to let go. I mean, we’ve spent the last year and 8 months in the relationship and it just sucks that he can quit on it SO EASILY.

And honestly, I feel stupid for saying that if he told me he’d try, i would keep trying.. but it’s sadly true :/

left by Meredith on 6 August, 2010 Friday

Hi hun, hope you’re doing okay! Please blog soon so we’ll know you’re alright. Much love! x

left by Gwen on 24 August, 2010 Tuesday

Hmm, sounds like you’re in a lot of stress. Busy. Wanting to do it all. You need to calm down, take a deep breath and step back for a bit :) Though sometimes it’s good to be busy.

left by Shiri on 26 August, 2010 Thursday

lovely layout! x

left by emilyy on 2 September, 2010 Thursday

Hey just wanted to let you know that I’ve moved my site to: http://blueonmonday.net/
Thank you!

left by Patricia on 8 September, 2010 Wednesday

UPDATE YOUR BLOGGGGG.

left by Tiff on 2 October, 2010 Saturday

I like wallpaper but not the left part of this peace. It misses something

left by serena on 16 October, 2010 Saturday

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